So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
