If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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