Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
