The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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