I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
