During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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