You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
