Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
