I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
