You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
