Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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