New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
