When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
