frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
