I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
