Don't you send me to vm
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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