I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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