my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
