well I can't set my house on fire every night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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