There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
