based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
