apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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