I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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