The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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