his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
