I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
