we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
