would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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