do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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