were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
