is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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