You really coming over, don't trick.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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