Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
