So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
