North Korea, Best Korea!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did I show you my penis last night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
