I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
