yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
