I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
