I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
