I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
