I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Randomize
