But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
