If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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