Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You ate ashes out of my bong
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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