its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
