Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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