My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
