Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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