You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
