Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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