we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
