There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
