You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
