I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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