ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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