About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
