I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
