But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need to stop coming to work sober
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
