I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
