I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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